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1998
Urban Legend
(1996) Police in George, WA issued a report on the events leading up to the deaths of Robert Uhlenake, 24, and his friend, Ormond D. Young, 27, at a Friday night Metallica concert. Uhlenake and Young were found dead at the Gorge Amphitheater after the show. Uhlenake was in pickup that was on top of Young at the bottom of a 20-ft drop. Young was found with severe lacerations, numerous fractures, contusions, and a branch in his anal cavity. He also had been stabbed and his pants were in a tree above him, some 15 ft off the ground, adding to the mystery of the heretofore unexplained scene.
According to Commissioner-In-Charge Inoye
Appleton, Uhlenake and Young had tried to get tickets for the sold-out concert.
When they were unable to get any tickets, the two decided to stay in the
parking lot and drink. Once the show began, and after the two had consumed 18
beers between the them, they hit upon the idea of scaling the 7-foot wooden
security fence around the perimeter of the site and sneak in.
They apparently moved the truck up to the
edge of the fence and decided that Young would go over first and assist
Uhlenake. They did not count on the fact that, while it was a 7-foot fence on
the parking lot side, there was a 23-foot drop on the other side. Young, who
weighed 255 lbs. and was quite inebriated, jumped up and over the fence and
promptly fell about half the distance before a large tree branch broke his fall
and his left forearm. He also managed to get his shorts caught on the branch.
Since he was now in great pain and had no way to extricate himself and his
shorts from the tree, he decided to cut his shorts off and fall to the bushes
below.
As soon as he cut the last bit of fabric
holding him on the branch, he suddenly plummeted the rest of the way down,
losing his grip on the knife. The bushes he had depended on to break his fall
were actually holly bushes, and landing in them caused a massive number of
cuts. He also had the misfortune of landing squarely on a holly bush branch,
effectively impaling himself. The knife, which he had accidentally released 15
feet up, now landed and stabbed him in his left thigh. He was in tremendous
pain. Enter his friend Robert Uhlenake. Uhlenake had observed the series of
tumbles and realized that Young was in trouble. He hit upon the idea of
lowering a rope to his friend and pulling him up and over the fence.
This was complicated by the fact that
Uhlenake was outweighed by his friend by a good 100 lbs. Happily, despite his
drunken state, he realized he could use their truck to pull Young out.
Unfortunately, because of his drunken state, Uhlenake put the truck in reverse
rather than into drive. He broke through the fence and landed on Young, killing
him. Uhlenake was thrown from the truck and subsequently died of internal
injuries.
"So that's how a dead 255 lb. man
with no pants on, with a truck on top of him and a stick up his ass, came to
be" said Commissioner Appleton.
Urban Legend Status conferred 31 Dec 97:
Declared an urban legend by on the following grounds: Intensive searching of
online Washington State newspapers failed to produce validation. The statement
attributed to the Commissioner is obviously bogus, as police do not make light
of deadly shenanigans and never use the word ass to describe the rectum. And
the editor of another Darwin Awards page, http://www.officialdarwinawards.com/,
actually contacted the Washington State sheriff's office, which disclaimed
knowledge of this story.